The Fantasy Express

Every single time I embark on a train journey, I step on to the platform with an eternal optimism.


An optimism that has kept alive one of my deepest desires…. That a hot beautiful young single mallu gal would occupy the seat next to me, she would initiate a conversation with me and one things leading to other would mould our relation into something meaningful!!.

"Ding Dong!! Daivittu gamanisi…. Gaadi sankye ondhu muru…. " That’s how I usually come back from my fantasy and realize that it is still a desire. It was no different the last time I travelled on train.

So wasting no time I scan around my platform prying for that “fantasy-girl”….after completing 270 degree scan my optimism meter was down at a hopeless 10 from a cheerful 100. But as I entered the last 90 degree of the scan I find a perfect match!!! Voila the optimism meter shoots up beyond 100.

Loose fitting white top and casual blue jeans…. Lovely smooth hairs…. A pretty face….Just one bag ….heelless sandals…and more importantly no one with a big sticker screaming BOYFRIEND on his forehead around her…!!!

She looked slightly tensed and was constantly looking at her watch!!! "what to do babe…. Indian Railways…can’t help it " I empathize with her inside my mind. Just one bag was a disappointment as that ruled out me offering a helping hand.

A little later, I hear the hoot of the train…. I now had just one and only one thing on mind, on my lips…. It was a prayer….. "Let her be in my compartment…let her be in my compartment!!"

Train halts…I wait for her to board the train…but she seemed to be glued to the ground and really tensed and worried. I just couldn’t wait any longer and was about to board the train.. that I see her finally moving slowly towards the train. I follow her…my seat was 35, 4th compartment. She passes the 1st, 2nd and 3rd compartment…..now was the final test….!!!

She moves inside the 4th compartment and places her bag under the seat. By that time "mann mein mere 2-3 laddooo toh phut hi gaye they".

Now was the time to swagger and act cool. I strode in and placed my bag on the side rack and sat opposite to her and immediately started acting busy on my phone.

The train was still at the station, suddenly a sweat voice breaks the silence "Excuse me, do you know when will we reach the next station?" it was her, asking me…. Everything was working like charm…!! It was as if all the 33 crore God’s listened to my desire all at a time!!!

"In another 30 minutes or so… why what happened?" purposefully I add a question to keep the conversation going. "My husband is yet to reach the station, he has my mobile phone; so can I use your phone to just ask him where he is? Please?"

after the word “husband” I really didn’t hear what she said… I just nodded my head and went with it…!!!



The shock was too heavy for me to even wonder "How come all the gals you would be interested in are either married or in a relationship?? How??"

So, for sure I don’t think my next train travel would begin any differently!!!



:- The above is just an expression of the writer’s imagination and nothing more !

Understanding Gandhi, Knowing Anna!!

As a kid, as a teenager and also in my youth I have actively and enthusiastically pursued the history of my great nation with passion and religious devotion.

I hated that portion of my nation’s history where we were enslaved and subjugated to atrocities by the Europeans/British and the Islamic barbarian invaders.

I further more hated that part where India under took the non-violent route towards freedom struggle. I could easily admire a Bhagat singh, a Sukh Dev or a Neta Ji and a Chandrashekar Azad.

I could admire Gandhi Ji only with some reservations.

I had wondered what power did sathyagraha or non-violence possess. I wondered, wasn’t aggression the best and the easiest way out? I had always firmly believed that violence and aggression would have got us the freedom much earlier than gandhi’s way.

I desperately wanted to relate to Gandhiji and his principles, but I couldn’t. I read books upon books, including “My experiments with truth”; of which I proudly own an original copy from way back in 1950s priced 50 paisa. Still, I couldn’t relate, I simply reconciled and compromised to blindly accept Gandhi ji as a great leader.

All the time last 10 years I had hoped that India gets a leader who will show me the meaning and essence of Gandhism. I had been disillusioned and disgusted at the way nation’s leadership was taken up, none of them worthy of being one. I had pitied myself and my generation to be unfortunate to have been led by spineless and aimless, double faced so- called leaders.

But all that is changed today, all my doubts cleared now. It was as if Gandhiji heard us somewhere from up and sent us Annaji, Kishan Baburao Hazare.

One man, One resolve and look at what we have. We have an inspired, rejuvenated and spirited nation here. And what was his medium??? Anshan, non-violence and integrity. Unwavering and focused, polite and pious, passionate and innocent!!!!!Truthful and determined towards the cause and purpose.

His resolve had the power to mobilize a whole nation, a nation of 125 crore. 12 days of nationwide “protests” and not a single drop of blood was shed. There was no one who came out crying at the end of it. At the end of it each and every person involved came out a changed, energized and a happy person.

Having witnessed this, I can today, now realize what Gandhism is, what Gandhi ji practiced…..words will not do justice to it, it’s something one can only experience.

I today know it is way tougher to protest in a non-violent manner. As often said, you may have multiple solutions to a problem, but trust the most inconvenient one to be the best solution to it.!!!
This phrase proves itself correct again and again.

Aren’t we a lucky generation who read gandhism in theory and also had the opportunity put into practice???
Aren’t we proud to have a leader like Anna amongst us??? Aren’t we proud to call ourselves INDIANs?

Not that we were ever, not-proud, today it makes us even more proud.
World over when, nation after nation is soaking in blood bath protests and we see social degeneration of other nations, we worried that we too might go into that mode. But, my dear friends look at what we have achieved…… aren’t you absolutely ecstatic about it??? Aren’t you filled with nationalist pride and doesn’t a drop of tear break down your eyes when you look back at the days of non-violent protests Gandhi ji led, that were met with violent retaliation from the British.

I truly appreciate the values and essence of Gandhism!!!! And I am proud to be an INDIAN at this point of time more than any other!!!!

Jai Hind Jai Bharat!!!!!

Thorn

I lay there, years before.
Even years later, hurt and hurting!
Never knowing what is love
What is kindness!

There came a damsel one day,
So beautiful, prancing;
Unknown to me and her!
She stepped upon me.

Never realized, then
How much I hurt her
How much I pained her!
I was blinded by her tenderness.

She plucked me out,
It was a caress so soft!
Her touching me, then
I felt it was love.

Never realizing that
I was merely a thorn!
Only to be thrown away;
Capable only of hurt!

I lay there, years after;
Hurt and hurting!
Never forgetting,
I am merely a Thorn!

In this poem, a lover reminisces about his lost love!

He never realized that in their relationship, whatever he did only pained and hurt his loved one.

He tried to hold on to her tight when she wanted to leave; never realising she was never his.

Years later, after his loss, he realizes that he was nothing more than a thorn.
He, now wishes to apologize for the hurt and pain inflicted; but he, as the thorn says,
is merely a thorn,
To be thrown away;

Capable only of hurt!

Sleep Paralysis - Terror Unleashed !

Its 5AM and it is time to sleep. I am now all set to retire for the day...ooops, I mean 'night'.
I am now strongly sleep induced and I drift away into sleep.


I don’t know what time it is or how long I slept or did I even sleep. I find am suddenly awake. Wait a second!! Something doesn’t seem correct!! Something is wrong.

I try lifting my hand, but I am unable to!!! I am now slightly worried. I am now not sure if I am still asleep or awake…. I try lifting my head…. But again, nothing moves. I force my mind to tell me if it is a dream or is it the reality. My mind positively tells me it is no dream!!

Now, panic was setting in. I desperately struggle to get up and shake this off!! But I am unable to. Nothing moved. My own body was lying there disobeying me…!! And worst part was, I was AWARE of what was happening.


Panic was now turning into fear and outright terror!! I could feel my body, my breath and my heart beat. But I was like frozen in time. My heart was beating rapidly. I kept struggling with no response from my body.

It felt like eternity, before I could slowly move my fingers. To my greatest relief, I could now lift my hand and my mind had once again become the master of my body!!

I don’t know what happened next; As soon as I regained control, I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was around 12 PM in the afternoon. I remember what had happened last night, but I wasn’t able to ascertain  if it was a dream or reality, despite me knowing it deep down that it was for real. I quickly searched on net what I experienced and found that it was all for real and what I experienced was the phenomenon called SLEEP PARALYSIS (SP)!!!

Various articles on the net link sleep paralysis with the super-natural. Alien abduction, out of body experience, monster/demonic visitations etc…

SP has a very vivid and dramatic explanations in the various folklores and cultures. Most of these tales associated SP with demonic/evil spirit.

But in pure scientific explanation, it is a pre-conditional state of mind, triggered due to various factors including and primarily due to sleep deprivation and stress.

I don’t know how many of you have had a similar experience. But if you have had one, I am sure you still recollect the terror and the helplessness you felt!


For the rest of you, I am sure you would want to know more about this and the folklores associated with it. For that, please do visit the below links.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis

http://dreamsnightmares.com/sleepparalysis.html

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/08/sleep_paralysis/

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1544705/Flying-in-your-sleep-may-be-a-paralysis.html

A beggar who danced and a Thief who sang!

It was a fine summer morning. I think it had to be 1995 as I was in 7th standard.


I was upbeat and all set for the fancy dress competition.

It was my 1st fancy dress competition; and later it also turned into my only one as well.

However, despite all the effort from my father in persuading me in not to dress up as what I dressed up; I did dress up as what I did.

I reached my school on my cycle amidst laughter and weird looks from the other kids. I was now even more happy due to the buzz I created.


In my little brain I was sure that I had a winner dressed up !!

All my joy and pretense of being the great masquerader came to an abrupt end when the teacher pulled me out of the participants’ queue. My embarrassment was only slightly lessened when I saw my class mate Murugeshan also being pulled out of the queue.


Everything now was turning into a blur!! I only heard that dressing up as a beggar cannot be allowed; more pearls of wisdoms were being dropped but my mind was not with the teacher telling me that the effort I put in tearing my kurta, courage I showed in wearing torn trousers, the ingenuity I showed in even carrying a plate that I hit with hammer some 100 times the day before to bring it to its present authentic shape were to go down the drain waste…!!! I forgot to mention, I had even emptied a full tin of cutticurra powder on my head…no details missed out . out and out, pakka beggar!!


I quickly recovered and looked around, I saw murugeshan, who by the way had dressed up as a thief with an eye patch and a handle bar moustache holding a real knife, almost breaking into tears. His actual reason for a teary eye was not the disappointment of his rejection, but the pearls of wisdom from the teacher was also accompanied by few swats of scale across his bums. That was for carrying a real knife!


I pulled him across and ran to the boy’s restroom and asked him if he knew the lyrics to “peta rap” from kadhalan (prabhu deva’s hit film). He said he knew it by-heart!! I was relieved at hearing that. I told him that we will be ROCK STARS performing!! It was soon decided that I would do the dancing and murgi the singing. We quickly did some master stroke changes to our costumes, like I half inserting the torn kurta and murgi deciding to use my plate as his instrument.

We ran up to the teacher and told her about our plan. She Okayed it and we were listed to ‘perform’ at the end.

At last, our names were called out, perhaps that was the only thing I heard with a sane mind. What happened next was insanity unleashed.


Murgi started singing and I started using my air guitar kicking my legs around. We showed full attitude, rolled on the ground and kicked our legs in air. We ran around the stage and what more? Even I joined murgi on the mike singing!!! We had gone crazy !!! the song now changed to Tarzan yelling and mouth music!! In the process murgi also got entangled with the mike wires and had a fall on the stage!! this unplugged the mike from the speaker and brought our colossal performance to an unintentional early end.


Later, there was no surprise when the winner of the competition was announced, it was Raghuram!! He had tonsured his head and dressed up as Mahatma Gandhi. Credit must be given, he did look like Gandhi, yeah…Gandhi who had flabby tummy and chubby cheeks!! (no offence Raghuram, you were the clear winner!! )

So, that day, even though things didn’t go exactly as what I planned, it ended up being one crazy day that was thoroughly enjoyed!!


Next time I was ever associated with fancy dress, it was when my kiddo brother dressed up as Sri Krishna and won the 1st prize!!! I made his bejeweled crown!!

So bro finished what I started off…!! Thatz the solace! ;-)

“Mommy! Didn’t I tell you!! Didn’t I tell You!!”

I still remember that day. I think, No, I am sure; I was in the 1^st standard.
We were all taken to the ground and asked who wants to run?

All most all of us came forward, but the PT sir selected some of us (I think 10 of us), I was one among them.
We were all asked to stand in a horizontal queue and were told that a whistle will be blown and at that we had to run and reach the tree in front us, where our Class madam was standing.
It seemed long long way away.

But when we were also told that who would reach that tree first will be given a chocolate and a trophy!! That didn’t seem that long way away!!

We all had become serious and our ears were waiting to hear just that one thing.!!!!!

Pheeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!!!!

We all ran as if there was no tomorrow!

After we had reached the finish, I even didn’t notice who had come 1^st. I was just panting!!
My class teacher came over to me and hugged me. She gave me a glass of water and 2 melody toffee!! It was then I realized that I had come 1^st!!

I was told that I would be given the trophy on the annual day, which was at the weekend.

That day I eagerly waited for my mom to return from work. As soon as she returned, I told her that I would be given a trophy in front of everyone on the annual day. My mom didn’t know how to react to the little kid’s fancy idea and played along saying yes I would.

On the annual day, we (me and my Mom, My dad had been out of station) were seated at the back rows of the hall. And I was feverishly telling my mom, that my name would be called. This time my mom had to tell me that “I just wish they call you name out, but even if they don’t call your name, it doesn’t matter, I will get you a trophy”.
 I realized that my mom feared that it might all have been a misunderstanding and I might end up disappointed if my name wasn’t called out!!

But then, suddenly my name was called out, my mom was ecstatic and relieved. She prodded me to go on to the stage. And I just bolted to the stage, received the trophy, ran back to my mom and gave the trophy&certificate and kept telling her “Mommy! Didn’t I tell you!! Didn’t I tell You!!”
I could see that my mom had a tear or 2 in her eyes…!!

This was my 1^st ever prize, I have won a lot many after that. But this one remains the most special one!!

Co-incidentally, I finished my school days with a 100 mtr gold medal in my 12^th standard!!
Began and ended my schooling with a gold medal in 100 mtr dash!!

A life I chose.....

My typical day begins when I hear “just gonna stand there……….., love the way you lie”. That’s my alarm call. And as I get ready to get to the office, I hear the 12’0 clock siren from the nearby factory.


On my way to the office, driving on a newly laid airport road could have been fun had the traffic been some 100 vehicles less per KM. Braving the Bangalore traffic for over 20 KM, when I reach the office its already Lunch time…guys going out for lunch in groups…chattering and enjoying the little moments of life…transporting me back 3-4 years, when I too used to go out for lunch and enjoyed those little moments.

But then, I am brought back to the present when I see the office gates being closed by the security guards. “Oh!! Freaking Shit!!, not again”. The parking lot is full and I must now go around searching for an empty parking space on the streets. I have had heart breaking experiences in the past from parking on the streets. School kids get inspired to become artists when they see cars parked, I feel so, why else a sharp stone becomes their master tool and the body of the car their canvas???

But, today I am in no mood to indulge my car to a masterpiece from a genius; so, I decide to play buddy-buddy with the security guy. I sheepishly smile at him and ask him to let me in, I tell him that I will go around the lot and if I find a space well & good, else return back. Security guy too feels that it’s a fair deal and lets me in; little does he know how hard it was for me to put up such an innocent face.



Now that I was in, I knew that I was not going out..do whatever….I enter the basement as quietly as possible and find the “reserved” parking spot out there empty….That was the spot reserved for the company heads and at least one spot is always kept empty anticipating a top-notch visitor from our other branches. I knew that had I thought twice, I might never do what I actually did.

So, now that my car was safely parked, I take confident steps towards my cubicle to begin a great day at office….all the way through, scenes from various Hollywood movies play in my mind, where the camera pans on the confident stride of the hero….shoe in shoe out shoe in shoe out.

But that’s the end of it..coz as I enter the office space I know that unlike in the movies….there is no young pretty intern, no sexy secretary neither is there a stupid, dumb idiot of a friend, nor are there any vicious bosses or jealous colleague. It’s all just as plain as it gets… it’s all as boring as it is.

So then, I slump into my seat and start going through my mails, meeting schedules etc…. I open the Google, browse through the news.

As I get hungry, I know that it is 3PM, time for breakfast…..I am a full fledged foodie.. ..I love food. I think of going out and having a stupendous brunch, but that would mean taking my car out and loosing the parking space. I look at the other option, the option of having food from the dreaded cafeteria…!!! After long contemplation I realize that I value my car more than my own body & health; I decide to go upstairs and have the safest option available.



Now back at my workstation after having a bowl of noodles and stomach that is not sure how to react to the Chinese visitor, I turn to some serious work….as I get engrossed in the work, time flies by….

The alarm bell rings and I realize that its 7PM in the evening, it’s time for a quick snack. I decide against it as I feel that the Chinese guy and my stomach didn’t exactly get along nicely.

I continue on, sending mails and noting the progress of various tasks I realize that its 11:30PM, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea if I got back home.

I head back home; reach home.

I have my dinner. Quickly meet up with my folks and head up into my room. I connect to the net resume the download processes from the previous night. Go through all my social networking profiles and indulge as if there is no tomorrow. After couple of hours, I realize that its movie time. I Select a movie from the huge collection of downloaded movies and begin my jogging. Yeah, it’s my patented exercise regime….Put on a movie, watch it as you jog (always effective with adventure action movies, try that out with ROCKY, I bet you will enjoy it). After the movie, it’s the time to read, from the countless books I have piled up, I pick up one from many that have been half read and bookmarked. I quickly recollect what the plot is and am engrossed in the book. Suddenly, it flashes my mind that I had to add this song that I felt so good about to my playlist. I quickly download the song and am lost in the song……

I realize that outside birds are chirping and there is a slender ray of sunlight cracking into my room.

Uff!!! I had just begun to enjoy and its time to sleep???? At 6 AM I make conscious effort to sleep….



This has been my typical 24hrs day for the past 2 years. I am in a rut. I am lonely, no doubt… I am with out friends, no doubt…… my interaction with the family has reduced to around 2hrs a working week or so….I am without motivation..I am full of unrealized potential….I am aimless……..I am wasting a wonderful life GOD has given……

I have no idea how I have fallen into this vicious-cycle that I follow day after day…..

But after giving it a thought and by observing around… I realize that it’s the effects the job-life imbalance that crept in early in the career and it is like a slow acting poison…affect of which is visible at a later point in time.

I wonder, had I been doing something that I am passionate about and not only good at…would I have been any different… I don’t know… it’s an open question to me and many others like me…