The Perpetual Curse !

With the recent Taliban take over of Afghanistan and the violence this area has endured over the centuries, took me back to all that I have read about these geographical locations in the Puranas and the mahakavyas. 

Taliban Recruit

Does the past tell us the tale of the future?

In Mahabharata, the present day Afghanistan was the Gandhara kingdom. 

This kingdom was established by Sri Rama's brother, Bharatha. 

Gandhara plays a major role in the events leading upto the Great battle and eventually the Srimad Bhagavad Geeta.

And in the context of Mahabharata,  Gandhari, queen mother of Kauravas and wife of blind king Dhritarashtra was the princess of Gandhara kingdom. And her brother Shakuni was the prince of Gandhara.

It is said in jain texts that before marrying the Kuru King, Gandhari had symbolically married a goat to avert a curse that her spouse would have a shortened life. 

And later when Pitahmah Bheeshma comes to know that his nephew Dhritarashtra had married a widow. It was considered as an insult to Kuru clan on purpose by King of Gandhara, Subala, father of Gandhari.

He waged a war against Gandhara for the insult, destroying the kingdom and imprisoning the king and princes. Only one Prince survives - Shakuni.

Shakuni

After reestablishing his kingdom and giving the reigns of the kingdom to his son, Uluka,  he migrates to Hastinapuri, capital city of Kuru kingdom.

He becomes a confidant and advisor of his nephew, the mighty Duryodhana.

But at his core was his burning rage seeking revenge for the misery his family was subjected to by the Kuru clan.

And thus, he plotted tactical destruction of the Kuru clan by orchestrating the Mahabharata battle; where brothers of Kuru clan fought each other. The battle consumed 100 Kaurava princes and 1 Pandu prince (Karna).

Upon learning very late in the battle, of this revenge saga, which had taken the lives of her 90 sons at that time, Gandhari curses Shakuni that his kingdom of Gandhara will never be a place of harmony ever.

Shakuni is killed on the 18th (last) day of the battle by Sahadeva.

Now let's see if this curse has stood the test of time ?

For example, every invader during the medieval period eyeing India had to pass thru the region of modern day Afghanistan. And the local kingdom was invariably subdued. Which in its wake brought violence and destruction.

Genghis Khan

The list of invaders over the period of centuries who have laid claim to area around Afghanistan include Alexander the great, Soviet union, America. 

But one invader stands out, Genghis Khan and the Mongol empire. The brutality the Mongolian invaders inflicted on the region would come back to haunt their descendents, the Hazaras the oppressed Afghan minority who are believed to be descendents of Genghis Khan. 

The whole area of modern day Afganistan, Pakistan and Kashmir have multiple historical references in puranic and vedic literature.

One other epic from Hindu scriptures mention that this region was inhabited by the Naga clan (descendants of Serpent) soon after Mahabharata war. 

Led by serpent king Takshak and the place was called Takshashilla, modern day PoK.

King Parikshith, grandson of Arjuna was cursed (not going into the backstory) to be killed by snakebite. And it was Takshak who fulfilled the curse. King Parikshith's son Janamejaya vows to seek revenge. He vows to exterminate all the Nagas from the face of the Earth and begins massacring of the Nagas at Takshashila. This was called the Sarpa Satra or the serpent sacrifice.

Sarpa satra

This onslaught was so violent and fierce that the powerful Takshak had to seek refuge with Lord Indra.

This blind rage of violence was brought to a halt when there was truce brokered between Takshak and Kuru King by lord Indra.

So here the point is historically this region has not known peace. As if the curse is fulfilling it's prophecy.  And is continuing even in modern era like a sarpa dosha that refuses to leave that geographical location. 

Sometimes it's just impossible to ignore what we assimilate from these great scriptures. Having had the great fortune to have read some of these litrature, I strongly believe that key to the future of human race is in these scriptures. Just like Ernico Fermi, we just need to unlock the right lock. 

Tales to remember, from the forgotten past!!!

Pooram Diaries - 1


Perhaps, unlike anywhere else in the world, Elephants are treated as superstars only in Kerala.

Common Day scene in Kerala. Pic credit: Binto P Anto

Legends, exploits, notoriety of these giants are discussed in Kerala with the same excitement with which chennai talks about Rajni and Jharkand speaks about Dhoni.

Here, I wish to remember some of the forgotten giants from the past.


Chengaloor Ranganathan.

Standing a majestic 11'5 feets tall, he was the tallest Asian elephant for a long time even after his death in 1917.

Which takes back to the incident around his death or rather, murder.

The tallest one in the centre is Chengaloor Ranganathan. He is neck and shoulders above others. Circa 1913

In 1914 Thrissur Aarattupuzha pooram, as usual Ranganathan took the centre stage adorning the Thidambu (deity's idol).
Being the most handsome and macho among all the other jumbos, there has been no pooram in which Ranganathan was a sidekick.

Naturally, other elephants also gave into his masculine superiority.

But in 1914, there was one notorious tusker in the group who himself was huge, muscular and equally majestic. But just falling short of  Ranganathan.

It was the Akavoor Govindan.

Standing on the left side of Ranganathan, in a moment of madness, the jumbo stabbed Ranganathan with his tusks in the neck.

Ranganathan, never recovered from this attack, neither did he ever take part in any pooram after that. 3 long painful years of treatment later, Ranganathan breathed his last in 1917.

Ranganathan was the first superstar reigning the pooram grounds for 10 years before his untimely death.

Skeletal remains of Ranganathan is still on display at the Thrissur zoological museum.

Skeletal remains of Ranganathan on display at the Thrissur zoological museum, over a century old. Photo Credit: K.K. Najeeb

What made Ranganathan a crowd puller was not just his physical appearance but also his docile and loving nature.

Speaking of nature, that takes me back to Akavoor Govindan, who was a pole opposite.

Govindan, was known with other adjectives as well,   the killer (kolayali Govindan) or the vazhakalli Govindan, the one who picks up fight with anyone.

And these adjectives pale before his deeds.

Govindan has killed 17 elephants in his lifetime and injured 15 other pachydrems. And add to it half a dozen people.

He was strong and displayed almost human like emotions of jealousy and need to dominate.

Killer Govindan, having a leisurely morning bath.

Everyone came to see the bad boy, who was not that bad looking either.

Despite his violent record, he was in demand for a whole decade ruling as the big bad boy.

Yet another pooram season. Govindan was having a bath in the chalakuddy river, getting ready for the pooram in the near by temple.
An other elephant too entered the waters for the bath.

No sooner did it enter, Govindan broke loose, charging.


Mahouts of the other tusker knew, its end game for it and unchained the disciplined elephant so that he has a chance to run away from the killer.

What next happened, was shocking and stuffs legends are made of.

The Elephant, instead of running away in fear. Turned towards the raging Govindan. Flung the chains at Govindan and upturned him into the river with ease. Brute force was what people witnessed.
That was not it, the elephant stabbed Govindan in his stomach as well.

After the bloodbath, the elephant calmly walked backed to his Mahout and acted as if nothing happened.

It was after all, the majestic and king of poorams of that time, the Guruvayoor Pazhaye Padmanabhan, who taught Govindan the right lessons.

Guruvayoor Pazhaye Pathmanabhan

It is said that after that incident Govindan never attacked anybody and mend his ways.

The injuries were not grevious, may be that was the whole intention of the majestic Padmanabhan.

Govindan recovered, but his aggression to win had not died.

In the famous Guruvayoor Aanaottam (Elephant race) in 1920s, Govindan was the unbeaten champion.

Guruvayoor Aanayottam, 2019

Something out of the ordinary happened in 1930. Govindan was leading upto the last stretch of the race, and suddenly a young, muscular and charming tusker emerged from behind and pulled off a stunning last leg victory.

It was the legendary Gajarajan Guruvayoor Keshavan. The one who would later go on to become the most famous, the most loved, the divine elephant of lord guruvayoorappan.

This was the beginning of the legend of Guruvayur Kesavan, who in 1934 went on to take over from pazhaye padmanabhan the duties of being the Elephant of the presiding deity of Guruvayoor.

The King of Elephants, Gajarajan Guruvayoor Kesavan.

In this first of the series, I take leave by just introducing Guruvayoor Kesavan. Look out for more tales from the past.

Odiyan!

Odiyan....

One who can change forms.
One who has magical powers.
One who is feared by all.
One who fears none.
The strongest.

Kerala is indeed God's own country. Yet it is strife with tales of yakshi, chathan, redlaans and of course the odiyans.

My summer vaccations as a kid were mostly spent at my ancestral home in kerala. Despite being a city kid, everything about my kerala village seemed to blend into me seamlessly.

And so did the tales of odiyans.

I recollect.
As we walked thru the damp pathway surrounded with ancient trees, towards the family temple, my father points out to tattered remains of a house and mentions in a tone that is devoid of any emotion....
"There used to be an Odiyan there, long time ago".

What I could gather from all the questions I later posed to my father was that:

Odiyan was the practioner of the odi vidya. A form of black magic which could turn a person into any other form; it could be an animal, a tree, a creeper or even another person.
Usually an odiyan is called into service by the affluent families to carry out a revenge attack on their arch enemies. The magnitude of revenge could be varying from just scaring the person or even up to murdering them.

One tale my dad recounted was that involving my grand dad.
My grandpa was a soldier in Burma during the world war two and had just returned back to Kerala. In his absence, the land belonging to him was encroached by another person in the village. There was a bitter legal battle between the two for some years before my grandad emerged as the rightful owner of the land.
It was just months later, my grandad observed that there was this big black dog following him everywhere. My grandad who was usually at ease with animals, did not find something quite right about this dog . The dog had a vissible limp and always had its teeth unsheathed at him.

This continued for some weeks and one night when he was returning from the temple, out of the bushes the black dog jumped at him, attacking. My grandad kicked the beast away and picked up a stick and hit the dog hard on its head. The dog howled in pain and a small packet fell off from its ears. Villagers rushed to the spot hearing the commotion. Granpa asked them to tie up the dazed animal to the tree for the night.

In the morning what everyone saw was instead of the black dog, there was a naked man tied to the tree. The guy was known to all, he stayed near the temple in the secluded house and did odd jobs. He was called channakaalan vasu ( Vasu, who limped).

It was then revealed that Vasu was an odiyan and was instructed by my grandpa's rival to grievously injure him.

Both the rival and the odiyan were banished from the village.

The story here definitely sounds exaggerated and in tune to village tales.
But the fact of the matter is the reference and mention of the odiyans.
They were akin to hired rowdies or quotation groups of modern age. Just that they were more creative in their ways.

The odiyans not only used the cloak of night to execute their plans, they also indulged in a well thought out psychological scare tactics. Which also made the victim believe he had an encounter with the super natural ( if he survived it). Scare tactics, hypnotism and illusions played a major part.

And the myth always grew generation by generation. With many add-ons.
Some of which were viz,

To transform into another form, they had to place a packet behind their ears. The packet would have undergone various black magic spells and contained ashes of an unborn baby.

The most usual form assumed is that of a dog or the wolf.

The assumed form would also carry the exact bodily deformity as that of the Odiyan.

The effect of the packet wears off over the night.

Experienced Odiyans could turn invisible.

Only males could practice odi vidya.

And sooo on.

Odiyan's biggest weapons were stealth and secrecy. Even today grandmas around Kerala would refer to the Odiyan once in a while in their bed time stories to the kids.

And the young kids in their impressionable age would give wings to their imagination to figure out whether the dog that passed by was just an ordinary dog or...an Odiyan !!

Two Cups of Tea

Today was just like yesterday. Wretched!

Was it morning, evening or was it midnight...? I didn't care. I wouldn't be even sure about when did I have my last meal.



At 28 years, working in an asset management firm, I had everything in my life that money could buy. Yet had nothing that a life needed. All alone at 2AM at my workspace, I kept clicking the mouse. Mind wandered far away....but eyes transfixed to the screen of my laptop.


I force myself to shut down my laptop. I never carry work home. That was a promise I had to keep. I slid the laptop into the pedestal and locked it.

I stride out of my floor, brooding, as always. The security personnel on duty tonight was an old guard, I smile at him and wave him a good night. Perhaps, that was the only time I smiled in last week or so.


Lifts at work places are generally like taxi cabs in Mumbai or New York city. You never find one when you need one. But at this ghostly hour, they are not much in demand.

I quickly get to the basement and revved up my black outlander. Coming out of the parking lot, at the exit, taking a left would set my path towards home. But, I choose to take a right. I speed up, windows brought down. Wind gushing in and with my hair flying, I feel no different about the day or my life. Wretched! That's what both are.


These are familiar paths.....ones that I have rode on so many times before. At this hour of the day, you have places where you get piping hot tea. These are the road side vendors on bicycles or mopeds or small shacks. You wouldn't find them plenty in number. They always operate in a constant fear of police on night patrol harassing them.


Common thing about these places are, they would always have customers. Soon, I find one of the places I frequent, open. I park my car.

There were 4 guys, 3 bikes, seemingly IT nerds, smoking and having tea.

There was a red indica cab parked, odd color for an indica. And there was a sumo and a tavera. Both white in color, cabs. One of the cabs was playing the song "Aap ki kashish...."


The 3 cab drivers were having their tea near their vehicles.


I ask for 2 cups of tea.


As I sip the tea, I overhear the nerds discussing about one of the latest movie; to be precise, the actress in the movie.

It was a balmy night. Wasn't exactly a cold night.

I sip my cup of tea and watch vehicles zoom by on the road. The streetlight above me flickered and I looked up. The night sky looked darker.


The moon was bright yellow, with grey velvety clouds all around it. It was as beautiful as an oil painting, at the same time had a sense of melancholy about it.

Having finished the 1st cup, I quietly and slowly reach out for the 2nd cup of tea. Did my hand tremble? I didn't care.


She came from a place where people loved coffee more than tea. Perhaps because they grew a lot of coffee there. She loved coffee. Yet, she would always insist to have a cup of tea with me. I am a tea person.


She wasn't here tonight with me to have her share of tea.


It's been a month now. I still order two cups of tea.

The Airport

Life is in total dumps...... As always nothing new about it. Anyways, that's a tale for some other time. It's 2AM, and I am at the airport on an unusually pleasant weathered March night. Pleasant, yes! Just the weather.

The airport was alive with people. Most of them have come to see off some one or the other. Next arrival was at 3AM, flight from Singapore; so there were a few at the arrival area, waiting for some one or the other. Thing about airports is that it makes you feel rich and affluent.... You end up paying 200 bucks for a tea or a coffee and you savor it as if it is usual thing you do everyday. So, while I was ordering for my portion of "nectar", my attention was drawn to an odd couple. 

The guy in his late twenties, balding, dark and lean. The girl too in her late twenties, long smooth black hair, fair and lean. The guy was holding a helmet in his hand, the one that is of the shape of a cooking pot (meen chatti (fish pot) in malayalam) and a shabby bag on his back. The gal had a black over coat and a hand bag, on the ground was the big jumbo VIP check-in bag.

The guy, obviously had rode a bike to the airport and the girl definitely did not come pillion with him. It intrigued me, everything about them. The girl looked way out of league for him. There was an untold sadness in their face. The guy had put a hand around her, as if consoling her or to an effect consoling himself. 

By the time I got my pipping hot tea, the couple had hugged each other in a sad intense manner, mumbling precious nothing and proceeded towards the departure gate. Both looked tensed and sad. The guy looked more emotional than the girl.....!

I stood there sipping my tea watching them indulge in their slow tragic good bye. There were people jostling all around and I wasn't at a vantage point anymore; So I now  moved closer to them and in the way ended up photobombing couple of group pictures.

Finally, the time had come for the girl to enter the security cordon, she holds the guy's hand and nods her head as if telling him not to worry and we will meet soon.

He says nothing, just looks on. She strides into the departure lounge, the bag on wheels in one hand. After a couple of steps...she gives a tentative glance back. The guy hadn't moved from his place, the last permissible area for the visitors. He looked on from there, with his helmet in one hand and the other hand on the barricade. She goes thru the initial security and enters THE airport, from there she waves at him, he

waves back. He stands there motionless, eyes fixed on the girl. Once she got in I couldn't find the girl, she was lost in the crowd inside, but I saw her thru his eyes. His eyes following her, unwilling to say the final good bye. She carried on with her check-in processes, he stood there waiting. I waited with him.

 

The hot tea was now cold; cold, like the breeze that caressed my face. Momentarily, he looked back, his eyes met mine. I could see the tears he had stopped from rolling out in his eyes. He glanced back once more, looking at me for a brief moment longer than what is normal. I looked away.

I stood there, watched him wait till she got into an escalator. As the escalator went up, I knew those were the final seconds of his vigil. He sighed, his shoulder drooped. His gaze was fixed on the escalator, the last place he had seen her. Slowly, he turned back and ambled to the exit. He took his mobile out and tapped on it couple of times before taking it to his ears....looked like he dialed a number; but suddenly, withdrew from completing the call. He puts the phone back into his pocket and walks off.

I stood there wondering about the odd couple. What could be and what not. There was an overwhelming sense of pain in him and somehow unknowingly, I carried back with me a portion of his pain.

The Fantasy Express

Every single time I embark on a train journey, I step on to the platform with an eternal optimism.


An optimism that has kept alive one of my deepest desires…. That a hot beautiful young single mallu gal would occupy the seat next to me, she would initiate a conversation with me and one things leading to other would mould our relation into something meaningful!!.

"Ding Dong!! Daivittu gamanisi…. Gaadi sankye ondhu muru…. " That’s how I usually come back from my fantasy and realize that it is still a desire. It was no different the last time I travelled on train.

So wasting no time I scan around my platform prying for that “fantasy-girl”….after completing 270 degree scan my optimism meter was down at a hopeless 10 from a cheerful 100. But as I entered the last 90 degree of the scan I find a perfect match!!! Voila the optimism meter shoots up beyond 100.

Loose fitting white top and casual blue jeans…. Lovely smooth hairs…. A pretty face….Just one bag ….heelless sandals…and more importantly no one with a big sticker screaming BOYFRIEND on his forehead around her…!!!

She looked slightly tensed and was constantly looking at her watch!!! "what to do babe…. Indian Railways…can’t help it " I empathize with her inside my mind. Just one bag was a disappointment as that ruled out me offering a helping hand.

A little later, I hear the hoot of the train…. I now had just one and only one thing on mind, on my lips…. It was a prayer….. "Let her be in my compartment…let her be in my compartment!!"

Train halts…I wait for her to board the train…but she seemed to be glued to the ground and really tensed and worried. I just couldn’t wait any longer and was about to board the train.. that I see her finally moving slowly towards the train. I follow her…my seat was 35, 4th compartment. She passes the 1st, 2nd and 3rd compartment…..now was the final test….!!!

She moves inside the 4th compartment and places her bag under the seat. By that time "mann mein mere 2-3 laddooo toh phut hi gaye they".

Now was the time to swagger and act cool. I strode in and placed my bag on the side rack and sat opposite to her and immediately started acting busy on my phone.

The train was still at the station, suddenly a sweat voice breaks the silence "Excuse me, do you know when will we reach the next station?" it was her, asking me…. Everything was working like charm…!! It was as if all the 33 crore God’s listened to my desire all at a time!!!

"In another 30 minutes or so… why what happened?" purposefully I add a question to keep the conversation going. "My husband is yet to reach the station, he has my mobile phone; so can I use your phone to just ask him where he is? Please?"

after the word “husband” I really didn’t hear what she said… I just nodded my head and went with it…!!!



The shock was too heavy for me to even wonder "How come all the gals you would be interested in are either married or in a relationship?? How??"

So, for sure I don’t think my next train travel would begin any differently!!!



:- The above is just an expression of the writer’s imagination and nothing more !

Understanding Gandhi, Knowing Anna!!

As a kid, as a teenager and also in my youth I have actively and enthusiastically pursued the history of my great nation with passion and religious devotion.

I hated that portion of my nation’s history where we were enslaved and subjugated to atrocities by the Europeans/British and the Islamic barbarian invaders.

I further more hated that part where India under took the non-violent route towards freedom struggle. I could easily admire a Bhagat singh, a Sukh Dev or a Neta Ji and a Chandrashekar Azad.

I could admire Gandhi Ji only with some reservations.

I had wondered what power did sathyagraha or non-violence possess. I wondered, wasn’t aggression the best and the easiest way out? I had always firmly believed that violence and aggression would have got us the freedom much earlier than gandhi’s way.

I desperately wanted to relate to Gandhiji and his principles, but I couldn’t. I read books upon books, including “My experiments with truth”; of which I proudly own an original copy from way back in 1950s priced 50 paisa. Still, I couldn’t relate, I simply reconciled and compromised to blindly accept Gandhi ji as a great leader.

All the time last 10 years I had hoped that India gets a leader who will show me the meaning and essence of Gandhism. I had been disillusioned and disgusted at the way nation’s leadership was taken up, none of them worthy of being one. I had pitied myself and my generation to be unfortunate to have been led by spineless and aimless, double faced so- called leaders.

But all that is changed today, all my doubts cleared now. It was as if Gandhiji heard us somewhere from up and sent us Annaji, Kishan Baburao Hazare.

One man, One resolve and look at what we have. We have an inspired, rejuvenated and spirited nation here. And what was his medium??? Anshan, non-violence and integrity. Unwavering and focused, polite and pious, passionate and innocent!!!!!Truthful and determined towards the cause and purpose.

His resolve had the power to mobilize a whole nation, a nation of 125 crore. 12 days of nationwide “protests” and not a single drop of blood was shed. There was no one who came out crying at the end of it. At the end of it each and every person involved came out a changed, energized and a happy person.

Having witnessed this, I can today, now realize what Gandhism is, what Gandhi ji practiced…..words will not do justice to it, it’s something one can only experience.

I today know it is way tougher to protest in a non-violent manner. As often said, you may have multiple solutions to a problem, but trust the most inconvenient one to be the best solution to it.!!!
This phrase proves itself correct again and again.

Aren’t we a lucky generation who read gandhism in theory and also had the opportunity put into practice???
Aren’t we proud to have a leader like Anna amongst us??? Aren’t we proud to call ourselves INDIANs?

Not that we were ever, not-proud, today it makes us even more proud.
World over when, nation after nation is soaking in blood bath protests and we see social degeneration of other nations, we worried that we too might go into that mode. But, my dear friends look at what we have achieved…… aren’t you absolutely ecstatic about it??? Aren’t you filled with nationalist pride and doesn’t a drop of tear break down your eyes when you look back at the days of non-violent protests Gandhi ji led, that were met with violent retaliation from the British.

I truly appreciate the values and essence of Gandhism!!!! And I am proud to be an INDIAN at this point of time more than any other!!!!

Jai Hind Jai Bharat!!!!!

Thorn

I lay there, years before.
Even years later, hurt and hurting!
Never knowing what is love
What is kindness!

There came a damsel one day,
So beautiful, prancing;
Unknown to me and her!
She stepped upon me.

Never realized, then
How much I hurt her
How much I pained her!
I was blinded by her tenderness.

She plucked me out,
It was a caress so soft!
Her touching me, then
I felt it was love.

Never realizing that
I was merely a thorn!
Only to be thrown away;
Capable only of hurt!

I lay there, years after;
Hurt and hurting!
Never forgetting,
I am merely a Thorn!

In this poem, a lover reminisces about his lost love!

He never realized that in their relationship, whatever he did only pained and hurt his loved one.

He tried to hold on to her tight when she wanted to leave; never realising she was never his.

Years later, after his loss, he realizes that he was nothing more than a thorn.
He, now wishes to apologize for the hurt and pain inflicted; but he, as the thorn says,
is merely a thorn,
To be thrown away;

Capable only of hurt!

Sleep Paralysis - Terror Unleashed !

Its 5AM and it is time to sleep. I am now all set to retire for the day...ooops, I mean 'night'.
I am now strongly sleep induced and I drift away into sleep.


I don’t know what time it is or how long I slept or did I even sleep. I find am suddenly awake. Wait a second!! Something doesn’t seem correct!! Something is wrong.

I try lifting my hand, but I am unable to!!! I am now slightly worried. I am now not sure if I am still asleep or awake…. I try lifting my head…. But again, nothing moves. I force my mind to tell me if it is a dream or is it the reality. My mind positively tells me it is no dream!!

Now, panic was setting in. I desperately struggle to get up and shake this off!! But I am unable to. Nothing moved. My own body was lying there disobeying me…!! And worst part was, I was AWARE of what was happening.


Panic was now turning into fear and outright terror!! I could feel my body, my breath and my heart beat. But I was like frozen in time. My heart was beating rapidly. I kept struggling with no response from my body.

It felt like eternity, before I could slowly move my fingers. To my greatest relief, I could now lift my hand and my mind had once again become the master of my body!!

I don’t know what happened next; As soon as I regained control, I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was around 12 PM in the afternoon. I remember what had happened last night, but I wasn’t able to ascertain  if it was a dream or reality, despite me knowing it deep down that it was for real. I quickly searched on net what I experienced and found that it was all for real and what I experienced was the phenomenon called SLEEP PARALYSIS (SP)!!!

Various articles on the net link sleep paralysis with the super-natural. Alien abduction, out of body experience, monster/demonic visitations etc…

SP has a very vivid and dramatic explanations in the various folklores and cultures. Most of these tales associated SP with demonic/evil spirit.

But in pure scientific explanation, it is a pre-conditional state of mind, triggered due to various factors including and primarily due to sleep deprivation and stress.

I don’t know how many of you have had a similar experience. But if you have had one, I am sure you still recollect the terror and the helplessness you felt!


For the rest of you, I am sure you would want to know more about this and the folklores associated with it. For that, please do visit the below links.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis

http://dreamsnightmares.com/sleepparalysis.html

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/08/sleep_paralysis/

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1544705/Flying-in-your-sleep-may-be-a-paralysis.html

A beggar who danced and a Thief who sang!

It was a fine summer morning. I think it had to be 1995 as I was in 7th standard.


I was upbeat and all set for the fancy dress competition.

It was my 1st fancy dress competition; and later it also turned into my only one as well.

However, despite all the effort from my father in persuading me in not to dress up as what I dressed up; I did dress up as what I did.

I reached my school on my cycle amidst laughter and weird looks from the other kids. I was now even more happy due to the buzz I created.


In my little brain I was sure that I had a winner dressed up !!

All my joy and pretense of being the great masquerader came to an abrupt end when the teacher pulled me out of the participants’ queue. My embarrassment was only slightly lessened when I saw my class mate Murugeshan also being pulled out of the queue.


Everything now was turning into a blur!! I only heard that dressing up as a beggar cannot be allowed; more pearls of wisdoms were being dropped but my mind was not with the teacher telling me that the effort I put in tearing my kurta, courage I showed in wearing torn trousers, the ingenuity I showed in even carrying a plate that I hit with hammer some 100 times the day before to bring it to its present authentic shape were to go down the drain waste…!!! I forgot to mention, I had even emptied a full tin of cutticurra powder on my head…no details missed out . out and out, pakka beggar!!


I quickly recovered and looked around, I saw murugeshan, who by the way had dressed up as a thief with an eye patch and a handle bar moustache holding a real knife, almost breaking into tears. His actual reason for a teary eye was not the disappointment of his rejection, but the pearls of wisdom from the teacher was also accompanied by few swats of scale across his bums. That was for carrying a real knife!


I pulled him across and ran to the boy’s restroom and asked him if he knew the lyrics to “peta rap” from kadhalan (prabhu deva’s hit film). He said he knew it by-heart!! I was relieved at hearing that. I told him that we will be ROCK STARS performing!! It was soon decided that I would do the dancing and murgi the singing. We quickly did some master stroke changes to our costumes, like I half inserting the torn kurta and murgi deciding to use my plate as his instrument.

We ran up to the teacher and told her about our plan. She Okayed it and we were listed to ‘perform’ at the end.

At last, our names were called out, perhaps that was the only thing I heard with a sane mind. What happened next was insanity unleashed.


Murgi started singing and I started using my air guitar kicking my legs around. We showed full attitude, rolled on the ground and kicked our legs in air. We ran around the stage and what more? Even I joined murgi on the mike singing!!! We had gone crazy !!! the song now changed to Tarzan yelling and mouth music!! In the process murgi also got entangled with the mike wires and had a fall on the stage!! this unplugged the mike from the speaker and brought our colossal performance to an unintentional early end.


Later, there was no surprise when the winner of the competition was announced, it was Raghuram!! He had tonsured his head and dressed up as Mahatma Gandhi. Credit must be given, he did look like Gandhi, yeah…Gandhi who had flabby tummy and chubby cheeks!! (no offence Raghuram, you were the clear winner!! )

So, that day, even though things didn’t go exactly as what I planned, it ended up being one crazy day that was thoroughly enjoyed!!


Next time I was ever associated with fancy dress, it was when my kiddo brother dressed up as Sri Krishna and won the 1st prize!!! I made his bejeweled crown!!

So bro finished what I started off…!! Thatz the solace! ;-)

“Mommy! Didn’t I tell you!! Didn’t I tell You!!”

I still remember that day. I think, no, I am sure; I was in the 1^st standard.
We were all taken to the ground and asked who wants to run?

Almost all of us came forward, but the PT sir selected only some of us—I think about ten—and I was one of them.

We were all asked to stand in a horizontal line and were told that, when the whistle was blown, we had to run to the tree in front of us, where our class teacher was standing.

It seemed to be a long, long way away.

But then we were told that whoever reached the tree first would be given a chocolate and a trophy! Suddenly, it didn't seem that far away anymore!

We all became serious, and our ears were waiting to hear just one thing—the whistle!

Pheeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!!!!

We all ran as if there were no tomorrow!

After we reached the finish line, I didn't even notice who had come first. I was just panting!

My class teacher came over to me and hugged me. She gave me a glass of water and two Melody toffees. It was only then that I realized I had come first!

I was told that I would be given the trophy on the Annual Day, which was that weekend.

That day, I eagerly waited for my mom to return from work. As soon as she came home, I told her that I would be receiving a trophy in front of everyone on Annual Day. My mom didn't quite know how to react to the little kid's excitement, but she played along and said, "Yes, you will."

On the Annual Day, my mom and I (my dad was out of town) were seated in the back rows of the hall. I kept excitedly telling her that my name would be called.

This time, however, my mom said, "I just hope they call your name. But even if they don't, it doesn't matter. I'll get you a trophy."

I realized she was worried that it might all have been a misunderstanding, and that I would end up heartbroken if my name wasn't called.

Then, suddenly, my name was announced!

My mom was ecstatic and visibly relieved. She nudged me to go up on stage, and I simply bolted towards it, received the trophy and certificate, raced back to her, handed them over, and kept saying, "Mommy! Didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you?"

I could see a tear or two in her eyes.

That was the very first prize I ever won. I have won many more since then, but this one will always remain the most special.

Coincidentally, I also finished my school days by winning the gold medal in the 100-metre race in my 12th standard.

I began and ended my schooling with a gold medal in the 100-metre dash!

A life I chose.....

My typical day begins when I hear “just gonna stand there……….., love the way you lie”. That’s my alarm call. And as I get ready to get to the office, I hear the 12’0 clock siren from the nearby factory.


On my way to the office, driving on a newly laid airport road could have been fun had the traffic been some 100 vehicles less per KM. Braving the Bangalore traffic for over 20 KM, when I reach the office its already Lunch time…guys going out for lunch in groups…chattering and enjoying the little moments of life…transporting me back 3-4 years, when I too used to go out for lunch and enjoyed those little moments.

But then, I am brought back to the present when I see the office gates being closed by the security guards. “Oh!! Freaking Shit!!, not again”. The parking lot is full and I must now go around searching for an empty parking space on the streets. I have had heart breaking experiences in the past from parking on the streets. School kids get inspired to become artists when they see cars parked, I feel so, why else a sharp stone becomes their master tool and the body of the car their canvas???

But, today I am in no mood to indulge my car to a masterpiece from a genius; so, I decide to play buddy-buddy with the security guy. I sheepishly smile at him and ask him to let me in, I tell him that I will go around the lot and if I find a space well & good, else return back. Security guy too feels that it’s a fair deal and lets me in; little does he know how hard it was for me to put up such an innocent face.



Now that I was in, I knew that I was not going out..do whatever….I enter the basement as quietly as possible and find the “reserved” parking spot out there empty….That was the spot reserved for the company heads and at least one spot is always kept empty anticipating a top-notch visitor from our other branches. I knew that had I thought twice, I might never do what I actually did.

So, now that my car was safely parked, I take confident steps towards my cubicle to begin a great day at office….all the way through, scenes from various Hollywood movies play in my mind, where the camera pans on the confident stride of the hero….shoe in shoe out shoe in shoe out.

But that’s the end of it..coz as I enter the office space I know that unlike in the movies….there is no young pretty intern, no sexy secretary neither is there a stupid, dumb idiot of a friend, nor are there any vicious bosses or jealous colleague. It’s all just as plain as it gets… it’s all as boring as it is.

So then, I slump into my seat and start going through my mails, meeting schedules etc…. I open the Google, browse through the news.

As I get hungry, I know that it is 3PM, time for breakfast…..I am a full fledged foodie.. ..I love food. I think of going out and having a stupendous brunch, but that would mean taking my car out and loosing the parking space. I look at the other option, the option of having food from the dreaded cafeteria…!!! After long contemplation I realize that I value my car more than my own body & health; I decide to go upstairs and have the safest option available.



Now back at my workstation after having a bowl of noodles and stomach that is not sure how to react to the Chinese visitor, I turn to some serious work….as I get engrossed in the work, time flies by….

The alarm bell rings and I realize that its 7PM in the evening, it’s time for a quick snack. I decide against it as I feel that the Chinese guy and my stomach didn’t exactly get along nicely.

I continue on, sending mails and noting the progress of various tasks I realize that its 11:30PM, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea if I got back home.

I head back home; reach home.

I have my dinner. Quickly meet up with my folks and head up into my room. I connect to the net resume the download processes from the previous night. Go through all my social networking profiles and indulge as if there is no tomorrow. After couple of hours, I realize that its movie time. I Select a movie from the huge collection of downloaded movies and begin my jogging. Yeah, it’s my patented exercise regime….Put on a movie, watch it as you jog (always effective with adventure action movies, try that out with ROCKY, I bet you will enjoy it). After the movie, it’s the time to read, from the countless books I have piled up, I pick up one from many that have been half read and bookmarked. I quickly recollect what the plot is and am engrossed in the book. Suddenly, it flashes my mind that I had to add this song that I felt so good about to my playlist. I quickly download the song and am lost in the song……

I realize that outside birds are chirping and there is a slender ray of sunlight cracking into my room.

Uff!!! I had just begun to enjoy and its time to sleep???? At 6 AM I make conscious effort to sleep….



This has been my typical 24hrs day for the past 2 years. I am in a rut. I am lonely, no doubt… I am with out friends, no doubt…… my interaction with the family has reduced to around 2hrs a working week or so….I am without motivation..I am full of unrealized potential….I am aimless……..I am wasting a wonderful life GOD has given……

I have no idea how I have fallen into this vicious-cycle that I follow day after day…..

But after giving it a thought and by observing around… I realize that it’s the effects the job-life imbalance that crept in early in the career and it is like a slow acting poison…affect of which is visible at a later point in time.

I wonder, had I been doing something that I am passionate about and not only good at…would I have been any different… I don’t know… it’s an open question to me and many others like me…

I know I will

Click here :: This video best explains what I mean in this poem!!

The last of the poems for now.
For a change I have tried to be positive in this poem. These are the points I truly practice/believe in (may be except the smile stanza, I believe in it, but do not practice much). This is what my parents have taught me from their life. This is what inspires me to move upwards.

 
I know I will

Each time I fell,
It didn’t pain me,
I knew I would fall again.
But, above all
I knew I would stand up again.


Each time I lost,
It didn’t break me,
I knew I would fail again.
But, above all
I knew I would try again.


Each time I won,
It didn’t complete me,
I knew I would win again.
But, above all
I knew I had to keep winning.


Each time I loved,
It didn’t empty me,
I knew I would love again.
But, above all
I knew I would always be true.


Each time I trusted,
It didn’t frighten me,
I knew I would trust again.
But, above all
I knew I would never break the trust.


Each time I bowed,
It didn’t shame me,
I knew I would bow again,
But, above all
I knew there are people greater than me.


Each time I smiled,
It didn’t tire me,
I knew I would smile again.
But, above all
I knew smile is infectious.


Each time I cried,
It didn’t sadden me,
I knew I would cry again.
But, above all
I knew I would wipe my tears and smile again!

I miss you

Here in the 3rd of the lot, I bring back the brood. Dark in nature, but so true in many cases.

Perfectly normal guys, start acting lost and completely disinterested all of a sudden. Friends, family do notice this change but are unable to pin point the cause and dismiss it as a part of their growing up. And the guy, remains so till he….who knows till when??


I miss you

It is a beautiful world
Thousands of colors,
Millions of smells,
A lot to know
A lot to do.

Yet, why do I feel so bad?
Thousands of stress,
Millions of worries,
Nothing I know,
Nothing I do.


It is a pleasant day
Bright sunlight,
Clear skies,
So much of hope
So much of energy!


Yet, why do I feel so down?
Dark room,
Cluttered desk,
So much of brood
So much of despair!


It is an enchanting night
Cool breeze,
Glittering stars,
So much of excitement
A lot to explore.


Yet, why do I feel so desperate?
Dried up tears,
Lonely bed,
So much of hurt
Nothing to loose.


It is indeed a beautiful world,
Days are pleasant,
Nights enchanting.
But with out you I feel
Bad, down and desperate.
I miss you,
You make my world, day and night!

The interview I never attended

Here is the 2nd poem, a little light hearted one; have tried to shift away from my usual melancholical style of poems.


The interview I never attended


I didn’t see the peel,
The banana peel.
I slipped and fell a mighty fall.
Interview, I had to attend
Now I am here in the general ward.


Doctor Doctor, I called out.
Out came a sister with a needle.
Pants were pulled down.
Bums exposed,
I waited for the dreaded prick.


Sister sister some one called,
Sister left me in a bother,
With out the prick
With out the pant,
I lay there in the general ward.


Dignity returned to me
So did a pain in the ass
When another sister
Gave me the pant
Gave me the prick.


Jinga lala Jinga lala
My heart sang
as doctor signed my discharge slip
aiyo amma aiyo amma
my heart yelled
When I saw the bill.


Tata bye bye, I said to the hospital
Caught a rickshaw back home
Only to realize suddenly
Like a monkey sitting on the terrace
It was I who threw the peel to the spot I fell!!

 

Yesterday, Night

Folks,

wrote few poems in the last couple of days , which I feel you can empathise with.....
I am starting off with the 1st of the lot, "yeterday, night". This poem dwells into the unending wait of a lonely heart!



 Yesterday, Night


In the darkness of night, yesterday,
I sat thinking.
Looking at the moon, up so high.
I wondered.
How long it has been; How far have we drifted.


The cold breeze caressing my face asks,
Do you remember? Do you still feel?
My heart says with a slight ache,
Long it has been, far we have been; But
Yes, o dear, yes! I still remember, I still feel.


The Fragrance of night engulfed me,
The clouds shadowed the moon.
Lonely I was, once again in the night.
Long back; years back,
I had felt the same loneliness.
When I was engulfed and you were shadowed.


Yesterday, in the night, I sat thinking.
I saw the moon, I felt the breeze.
Every night before yesterday night,
I saw the moon, I felt the breeze.
Hoping; you still remember, you still feel.

Zen... not the Maruti Zen

I think I have been bitten by the ZEN bug. I just happened to buy a book on Zen and now I am addicted to the concept behind Zen and its innumerable parables/stories…


Let me share some info on Zen with you….

Zen philosophy for ages has had a mystic effect on the spiritually attuned minds. The manner in which the principles are unfolded is unique and effective. In the modern era Zen is equivalent to the oriental style of spirituality. But, did you know that Zen actually had its origin from the Vedas and the puranas?

It was a south Indian prince by the name of Bodhidarma, who had had an early Hindu upbringing and later embracing Buddhism, who as a monk wandered to the east (China, Japan) and conceived and spread the thoughts of the Zen philosophy that is prevalent today.

The Interesting part of Zen teachings are its stories. Each story carries a deep meaning which might not be clear to a casual reader. Beauty of these stories is that the readers can have varied interpretation and understanding based upon their perception.

These stories are also known as the koans or the puzzles. Yes, these can be puzzles as each person may interpret the story differently, only a person with higher sense of understanding can interpret each of these correctly. Now, you might ask, “Do we have fixed or predefined solution/translation to it?” The answer is NO. These stories carry no further elaboration or explanations. It is said that different Zen masters had different interpretation of the koans and had their separate set of disciples. The koans that we read now, are scenes that have happened between the master and the disciple; It is said that the disciples spent years pondering on these koans.

What I liked about Zen is that it makes you THINK, it makes you use your mind and also apply it. If you can interpret these stories/koans positively and try implementing them in life, then I would say that you are going to be one cool dude!!

It is also known that the Ninjas follow the Zen school f teaching and they implement the essence of Zen into their art.

Over the years man masters have added more koans to the repository. And just like the panchthantra and the Jataka /Hitopdesha tales have been popular in far east.

You can find the koans on the internet and also what others have tried to make out of these koans. It will be interesting to see how varied and conflicting they are.

These are links that lead you to Koans and other Zen related articles.

http://www.ashidakim.com/zenkoans/zenindex.html

http://www.ibiblio.org/zen/cgi-bin/koan-index.pl

http://www.angelfire.com/electronic/awakening101/mumonkan.html

Hike….(not in money, but in work)

Recession hai…. down turn hai….depression hai….loss mein hai…Lay offs hai……Job crunch hai…down sizing hai…. aur kahi tho…right sizing hai….
Yes… this is what we all have been hearing for the past year and half or so…
Some of us have had to take a salary cut to remain employed. Other few of us had our promotions postponed indefinitely. Almost all of us had to go without our regular hikes/bonuses. And yeah, there were the unfortunate few who had been laid off, as well.

So, on the whole… professionally it was a really nightmarish financial year that we had….

Now add to the money shortage, the inflation … (you know what at shell you gotta shell out Rs.60/ltr petrol…shoot me down if it is not day light dacoity)

But amidst all this we had one thing that was aplenty… that was WORK.

Right sizing doesn’t mean that a system/business analyst will be assigned on your project; it means that if you are the person designing and developing the application, then why can’t you do the work of a system Analyst as well??

If you are a QA guy, then right sizing means to take up the work of the technical writer.

But, more I think about it, it is the development guys who were hard hit by this. It’s always them to whom everyone in the organization will turn to. Right from the support guy to the testing team, from the client admin to the manager of the release team.

Yes, we did get a HIKE…a big one; albeit in WORK not in MONEY!!

The only thing that kept us all going was the hope of getting a consolidated bonus and other incentives, once the so called “Recession” ended.

During this period there were many changes that were put into practice to beat the recession effect, by the management in the various companies. Let me point some of them which amuses me.


1.Shortened the working week to 4 days. But, you must work 2 hours more everyday.

2.Switching off of the AC in the night shift; considering that nights are “cooler”.

3.Stop Company sponsored transports.

4.Stop Company sponsored snacks and tea.

5.Morning shift guy and night shift guy sharing the same system.(in development teams. Come on… it is the heights one can reach)

6.Turn off the elevator during night.

7.Asking the employee to buy a laptop and start working from home for 2 days in a week.

8.By default all the employees will be given a rating of B.

The weird list goes on… in fact if you know of any such steps that were taken in your/your friend’s company let me now.


Yeah coming back, then as 2010 began everything had settled down… more job opportunities…boom in employee referral schemes and huge recruitments were back….

Companies had started hiring best of the top managements, shelling out god knows how many dollars.


Then suddenly there was this rumour in the air in almost all the companies that the pending hikes, bonuses and promotions will be implemented soon.

There was a new renewed and increased level of energy in us. But, we didn’t have too keep that up for long as we all received our much anticipated HIKE…a grand hike of 5%, a greatly appreciated bonus of INR 500 and many such fancy figures.

We were all back to our dark mood of anguish, frustration and pessimism.

This mood is aptly displayed in one of the forwards I received last week from my friends.
where in a cap-gemini employee had been presented with a bonus of INR521/- as if it was the greatest of deeds, an employer could have done in the "troubled" times. And the employee, not to be left behind replied back to the HR, saying that

"I can understand that FY 2009 was very difficult for our Organization to meet its financial goals.
 So I would like to contribute to some extent to ease the difficulty faced by our organization in monetary terms. My humble request is that please keep this Bonus amount for any future crisis.

Thanks for your great efforts, which you have put in during the
recession period for our unexpected benefits."

Now then that sums it all up....; you have received your most anticipated hike/bonus. End of story… get back to work… and wait for the “Eagerly awaited” stuff next year same time…(as the met dept says, the Monsoons this year have been limited or have been delayed; we might well hear this wrt our “eagerly awaited” stuff)

Now did any of you say…? “Hike is okay, jo mila wo sahi… lekin what about promotions?”
To those of you …

Have you heard of people saying world is comming to an end ? Yeah… you have?

So it’s only a thing you will ONLY keep hearing about….
and when it actually happens, it won’t really matter anyway.

Poems Continue

Look Back


Life moved on….

But I never looked back….

Life moved on….

and

I should have looked back….


Yes,

I should have looked back…

Footprints of life still fresh….

wounds still waiting the heal…

I would have found…


The struggle of a loser,

Fall of a winner,

stumbled steps, regain of balance…

darkness covering the light

light uncovering the darkness…

I would have found…


Strength of faith,

all the hard work,

determination to achieve,

the excitment of youth

pleasures of victory…

I would have found…


Those tender touches,

blissful moments,

passsionate kisses

Bond Of Love

I would have found…

Betrayal: A Poem

I am resuming my blog here with a poem..
A poem I feel many can identify themselves with….


BETRAYAL

Life breathed a heavy sigh,
The fire of hopes drenched,
In the emotional rain.

Love had lost meaning,
Heart wept silently,
Tears of blood rolled.

My dear, I love you.
Still….. I love you.

The moments of trust,
Days of hope and promise,
Words of love,
Everything Broken, shut and put down…..

Your voice, your song,
You, oh dear haunt me.
The past comes back to me..
Time runs back
Wish I never lived that moment.

My dear, I love you.
Still, I love you……

That moment of betrayal,
Oh dear, how much I love you.
I don’t ask why or how.

But still,
My dear, I love you,
Still, I love you.

I Love you for our betrayal!!